In the beginning, there was God, and only God. After an immeasurable amount of time (for there was no time), God wondered how long he had been. In his infinite wisdom, God created time. Unfortunately, time was still immeasurable because there was nothing to base it on, so God made matter and decay. Now that time was passing, God realized that he still couldn't tell what time it was, because he couldn't see the matter decomposing. With brilliant insight, God created light, but he soon found that light needed a helper to keep it going in the right direction, so he made photons. Finally God could tell how much time was passing, plus he had the added bonus of being able to see all that was around him. After a great time, it occurred to God that there wasn't anything around him, and he was really quite bored. He looked about for something to do and spied his little piece of matter that he was using as a clock. God started to make more matter. As he produced more and more matter, he realized he needed something else, because when he tried to make bigger pieces of matter, it would immediately fall apart and float about in a cloud of little tiny pieces. God decided to make some laws to govern these rebellious pieces of matter, so he made the laws of physics which included gravity and the weak nuclear laws. After making the laws, the particles still floated about and divided and spited him. He realized he needed something to enforce his new laws, so he made the carrier particles for each basic law. Now when he made a ball of matter, it stuck together, and God was pleased.

As God continued to make more matter, he kept making bigger and bigger balls of it, and he made all kinds of varieties, mixing the different varieties together to make bigger compounds. So did he start with leptons and quarks and such, moved up to neutrons, protons, and their like, then on to atoms, then molecules, and then giant leaps up until he had giant balls of this matter. Then he started varying the heat of these balls. He particularly liked making them very hot so that they produced even more light. After a long time of this, he started to get bored with just single balls of matter, so he started to take two balls of matter and put them into a stable relationship, orbiting one about the other, or the two of them sharing a common center of rotation. To add more complexity, he began putting smaller balls in orbit around the bigger balls that were orbiting the huge hot spheres. He noticed that with the greater complexity, it tended to be fairly unstable. He found that he could solve this by making each ball spin. In order to not confuse things, he began to name the different types of matter. The big ones that were very hot he termed 'stars', the next size down that was anywhere from molten to stone cold he named 'planets', and anything that was orbiting a planet he termed 'moon'. Anything the size of a moon but not orbiting a planet was named 'asteroids', 'comets' and a few other things.

Around this time, it began to get very crowded in God's general area. He would be carefully aligning two planets around a star when one of his earlier creations would come zooming up and bump him in the behind, sending his current project flying about. This irritated him a great deal (no one likes to be bumped in the behind!) so he started sending his finished projects flying off in all directions from him in big groups.

After a very great while of this, God became bored of making these complex systems of matter orbiting matter. He needed something even more complex to occupy his immense intellect. God decided to modify one of his earlier projects, but which one? Because God always does things ass-backwards, he held still for a moment and determined the project that was directly behind him. He then turned about and began to concentrate on this creation of his. It was one of his more complex ones, containing not just a single star, or a star with one or two planets orbiting it. Indeed, it was one of his masterpieces, containing one star and a total of twelve planets, a number of which had their own population of moons.

He looked upon this system of planets and tried to decide what to do to make it more interesting. The innermost planets were little more than roiling balls of molten matter and the outer ones were, for the most part, frozen quite solid. Over a great period of time as things began to cool off more and reach a more stable balance (for although it was one of God's masterpieces, he had spent so much time on all the detail, what with the fifty or more moons orbiting the seventh and eight planets and his prized accomplishment, the rings of glittering matter around the seventh, eight, and ninth planets, that he hadn't paid much attention to the temperatures of the planets). During this process, the planet farthest out (number twelve) slowly floated off and a number of the smaller moons fell into their larger parents. Finally, God had an idea. He looked for a suitable place to begin and chose the sixth planet, a slightly larger and heavier one that was about ideal for his purposes. He began to design complex structures from atoms, then molecules, and working slowly up, trying to make something that would be self-maintaining. He worked on this a very long time, all the while things continued to cool and settle. Finally, he had it. He has created life! As he sat there and watched his accomplishment, he realized it was dieing. He stared in amazement, and then realized that while he had worked, the planet had cooled too much and didn't fit his purpose anymore. Immediately he began to heat the planet again, but he realized it wouldn't do any good. As soon as he turned away for a little bit, it would cool off again and his new creation would be destroyed. In sudden ire he struck the planet and it burst into many tiny fragments. He was immediately sorry for having done so, for his creation immediately died without its planet. For a little while, God was terribly sad and during this time, the fragments of the blasted planet found a new stability as an immense ring of debris circling the star. Finally, God resolved to start again, this time closer to the star so that it wouldn't get to cold. The next planet in was one of the smaller varieties and somewhat lighter. It was nearly ready to support Gods new creation. So he waited the short while and planned ahead to make sure he had everything right this time. Then he began to work. After a while, he was finished, and this new creation, life, began to spread across the planet and then a layer of gasses that God named 'atmosphere' developed. God was pleased. Some of the materials on the planet would even be picked up in the atmosphere and redeposited elsewhere in a process that he termed 'rain'. When it rained, this material would flow along the surface or seeped down inside the planet, providing life with materials it previously couldn't get. Life enjoyed this and became dependant on it. For some time, he sat back and watched. After a great while, he noticed that life wasn't doing as well and there wasn't as much of the rain as there had been before. He realized that he had failed again. The planet was too light and didn't have enough materials to support a lasting system of life, what he termed as an 'ecology'. This time though, God didn't become enraged. Instead, he became very depressed. This was the biggest challenge he had ever had. Would he ever get it right?

Turning away from this new failure of his, letting it fend for itself for the few remaining millennia left to it, God began searching further inward. The next planet was the smallest of planets in the system and far to light, not to mention it was already quite cold. Upon seeing the next planet in, the third planet in the system, God's hopes began to go back up. Surely life would flourish on this planet. It had enough materials to supply an ecology for many millennia and it was close enough to the star to continue receiving much needed heat, while not being so close as to be to hot. In addition to this, it was just about at a prime period to begin sustaining life. God hunkered down and got to work. After a while, he stepped back and surveyed his handiwork. Life was beginning to spread, but it was going slow. Something more was needed. The materials on this planet weren't being moved around enough. Looking about, God had an idea. He took the fourth planet, the small one he had passed over and placed it into orbit around the third. Sure enough, the gravitational effect of this body in close orbit created surges in the matter covering a majority of the planet. God named these surges the 'tide'. (Editors Note: Now there were a total of nine planets and one asteroid ring in this system. The first two God never really touched. The third had life and a new moon. The fourth had the remains of life that couldn't sustain itself. Then there was an asteroid belt, then five more planets, the first three in this second set having rings.)

As god watched, life flourished and an atmosphere developed. This atmosphere was much thicker and healthier than the atmosphere that had developed on Gods earlier project. God was very pleased. After life had been flourishing for some time, God realized that this was not enough. Life needed to be even more complex. God began to re- evaluate his creation. He started to try putting multiple pieces of life together, just as he had in the past with matter. He labored at this for a while and finally it began to work. Life began to build upon itself, creating new more complex forms of life that were more adapted to living in its environment. God named this process 'evolution'.

After a great while, life had evolved into numerous forms, some living passively, others actively working to maintain themselves. Many creatures roamed the land and sea, feeding on each other and on the passive life. Some of these creatures were so mighty that the surface beneath them shook when they moved. God was very pleased and named these creatures 'reptiles'. He took great pleasure in watching the interactions between the various life forms and how they adapted themselves to new environments. Occasionally he would go off and visit his other creations through out this place that he had come to term as the 'Universe', but he always came back to continue to watch. Finally though, as it inevitably happened, God began to become bored. Even more than that, he had begun to experience a new feeling. In all this time, he had had only his self as a companion. He had his helpers that he had created to enforce his laws, but they didn't offer any interesting conversation. God was lonely. God looked down upon this planet, this wondrous creation of his, and realized that if he were to tweak this, and poke a little at that, he could produce a new creature. One that wouldn't base it's life on hunting and propagation of the species, one that would be capable of looking beyond the day-to-day mundane life, one that could live for the future, not the present.

Upon this insight, God got to work. He began to poke and prod and tweak this creature and that, but the reptilian form of life had a very simple structure when it came to controlling it's self and it's motivations and it was highly resistant to God's tampering. God realized that some serious changes were in order before he could continue along this path. God took some of these creatures and changed them so much that they were barely the same creature anymore. He called this new kind of creature a 'mammal'. This new life was weaker in ways, but stronger in others. Reptiles were dependant on external heat sources, whether from the heat of the star, or from the heat of the waters it lived in, or from some other source. Mammals, on the other hand, produced and regulated it's own heat. In addition to this, it had a more advanced control system, what God termed as a 'brain'. This more advanced brain was highly adaptive and much more capable of growing in response to stimuli. Unfortunately, God had started with small creatures, and these small creatures were few in number compared to the plethora of the older breeds. The mammals were not allowed to flourish because the reptiles held them back. God decided to give his new creation a chance... so he cooled the planet down to slow down the creature dependant on external heat sources and removed a number of their major food sources. A side effect of the rapid cooling that God induced was that the surface of the planet cracked in a number of areas and began to slowly float apart, riding upon the internal molten core.

As the reptiles began to run out of food, the larger ones starved and died. With the reptiles' numbers dwindling, the mammals took hold and a new ecology began to build upon the ruins of the old one. After a bit, God realized that his cooling the planet had been a little too much. Large amounts of the surface were being covered by what he came to call 'snow' and 'ice'. He began to warm the planet again, trying to stabilize it. After stabilizing the planet, he began to work on producing his ultimate triumph, the species that could live for the future, not for the present. For a very long time, he worked on this grand project. A few times he very nearly succeeded, but something would go wrong. One creature was very promising but it had flippers and a tail rather than some sort of appendage to grasp with as was needed for it's elevated needs, not to mention it's environment was ill-suited to further development, for it already supplied all that they needed. Then God discovered creatures that had exactly what he needed. They could grasp things and had good mobility. They had a number of natural predators that provided them with the need to adapt, but the predators weren't so great that they would triumph. God began to tinker with these creatures and they began to evolve into his newest creation. God thought long and hard and decided to call his new species 'humans'. The species he was working with had two versions that were essential to the continuation of the race. God evolved both kinds to the human species and called them 'man' and 'woman'.
And so was born our species.